ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
