hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
