If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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