I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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