did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We're too hungover to prance.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
