i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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