she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
