if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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