Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
