she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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