Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
