also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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