I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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