Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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