Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Someone signed my nipple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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