so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
