I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
