did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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