You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
