can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
