I am midnight drunk by noon
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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