Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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