Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
