Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
