I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
