Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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