ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
