I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
