no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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