Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
