The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
