I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
