She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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