A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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