she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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