At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
