mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
