Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
