Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
