i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
