I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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