Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
