I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
