is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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