i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
