I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
