his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
