Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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