Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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