judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
