true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
