Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
