lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
