Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
