Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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