new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
