Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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