I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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