I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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