I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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