Apparently you make a good broom.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
