And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
