My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
