i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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