Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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