i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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