4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
