Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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