I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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