so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
