Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
