cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
