JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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