i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
