he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
