I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
