I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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