Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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