thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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