so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So here I am, sexting at work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
